The ex-wife of Bledar Bakaj, Zegjine Çaushi’s uncle, accused of abusing his former partner Merita Gremaj and raping her father, has confessed that during their marriage, she experienced physical, psychological and sexual violence.
In an interview for the show “With an Open Heart” by author and moderator Evis Ahmeti, she revealed that she has lived with Bakaj for about 10 years and that she left him after a long period of violence. She says that he has not allowed her to meet her son for two years.
“He hasn’t allowed me to talk to my son for two and a half years,” she says, adding that she had given him custody of the child because he was in a serious condition.
“Yes, I admitted that I was in a difficult situation, that I was on the verge of death and didn’t think I would live any longer. I gave up hope on myself,” she confessed.
She claims that Bakaj severely beat her, causing injuries to her head, nose, lip and hand. According to her, he isolated her in the apartment and threatened her with death.
“Yes, I had serious blows to the head. He did it to me, he split my lip, which I have today, which needs plastic surgery, I can’t afford to operate on it. He broke my nose, it’s broken. My hand is crooked because he broke it. Many things,” she said.
Bakaj’s ex-wife also emphasizes that the child was under great psychological pressure and that, according to her, her father influenced him by pushing him away from her. She said that the son told her that he did not love her and that he addressed threatening words to her.
“Uh, boy… when I tried all these years “I don’t love you like a mom”, how much talk he would say from the outside “I’ll come there to Greece, I’ll kill you”, talk he would say. Then when I would turn to him and say “kill me, I love you. I’m your mom. If you don’t love me, I love you. But you still… you kill me. I don’t have a problem with you killing me”. Come on, this time I talked like that, and he would focus and not speak, just look at you,” she said.
She added that she has also reported him.
“I only reported him once and then we agreed at the door, he said I won’t do it again, we’ll continue, I won’t drink alcohol anymore, nothing. And then he continued it again. Even when he raped you, he would lock you inside and say, I didn’t have a phone, I would tell my people that, he wouldn’t let you have a phone. Or I would call the police. And he would tell me that “your grave is here”. “Your grave is here. Oh, here inside your room,” he would say, “so that every time you celebrate the New Year I will bring you bouquets of flowers here, or here in the middle of the yard, so that I can have you in front of my eyes,” he would say,” she said.
INTERVIEW:
Anila Ahmataj:
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Thank you, how was your day?
Anila Ahmataj: Okay. Sorry for the inconvenience, I’m Anila, as I introduced myself when I wrote to you.
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes.
Anila Ahmataj: You arrived in Albania today, didn’t you?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, yes.
Anila Ahmataj: Have you had contact with your son in the hours since you returned? Have you been able to talk to your sister-in-law?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I didn’t have a contact number, I tried to send her a phone number because I have an aunt in that neighborhood. She said I’ll try to send it by dinner.
Anila Ahmataj: Where does the boy live? Do you have information about where the boy is, where he is?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: His aunt, there’s an aunt there in the village.
Anila Ahmataj: How did you learn about the incident?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I learned about it from the TV, from the news. It came out. She showed me the husband I currently have. She said to me, “What is this Bledar?” I watched the video and was shocked.
Anila Ahmataj: Do you know your ex-husband’s cohabitant?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I’ve only seen him like this in these videos, but I don’t know him closely.
Anila Ahmataj: But you didn’t know that he had built another relationship, because the boy was currently living with him and you should have been informed about this, right?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No, I didn’t know that he hasn’t let me talk to my son for two and a half years. He would call me, just send me nonsense, and I didn’t have a single word of contact to understand.
Anila Ahmataj: You lived, as far as I know, 9 years with him, right?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Nine and a half, 10 at all.
Anila Ahmataj: Almost 10 years. And you left on your own, right?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, yes.
Anila Ahmataj: How did you meet Bledari?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I met Bledar through a daughter of my aunt. She had a husband’s uncle.
Anila Ahmataj: Was there another marriage before you?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, yes.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you know this?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I didn’t know, I found out very late. I don’t know, four or five years ago.
Anila Ahmataj: Have you met his niece, Zeqine? Do you know her?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I knew him before, but since we broke up, no, I haven’t met him again.
Anila Ahmataj: What was her relationship with you like when you were together in a family? So, when you were married to Bledari?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: The relationship was very good with them, but after I left, I only communicated once when I asked her about my son’s things, because I wanted to celebrate my son’s birthday on my side, and she helped me by taking a suitcase of clothes to Roskovec and sending my son’s things on my side, but not in my name, in the name of someone else because the gentleman wouldn’t accept them. And then we cut off contact because she had had problems and he had found out, I don’t know.
Anila Ahmataj: So in some way Zeqineja has collaborated with you to help you.
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes. Yes.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. What was the reason you broke up with Bledari? The accusations he made or the violence?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: All of it together, the accusations, the violence, the rape, yes, all of it.
Anila Ahmataj: When you heard the story of this other girl that happened to Bledari, that incident, what did you think? How did you perceive the incident? Did you believe it, I believe, or not?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, dramatic. I was really sorry because I had gone through it myself and I said, “Oh God, what is happening?”.
Anila Ahmataj: Do you believe Elona that he held her hostage for 40 days?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, yes, because I suffered it myself.
Anila Ahmataj: How did his family react when you were together and did you have contact after this event with any of your family members besides your aunt and sister-in-law?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No, with no one. Only with Zeqine then. Because he told me himself: “Don’t mess with him anymore because we don’t deal with him anymore because you know what he is like.” And he removed me from Facebook and Messenger and I removed him then.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. Did you tell your family when you were raped? Were they aware?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No, I didn’t tell them out of fear that the same things he did to her, he would do to me. I was very afraid.
Anila Ahmataj: Why did the father keep the son? Why didn’t you take him?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: From the violence he inflicted on me.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you give it to the court?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, well, I told him that I was in a difficult situation, that I was on the verge of death and I didn’t think I would live anymore. I gave up hope on myself.
Anila Ahmataj: But why what happened?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, I had serious blows to the head. He did it to me, he split my lip, which I have today, which I need plastic surgery for, I can’t afford to operate on it. He broke my nose, it’s broken. My hand is crooked because he broke it. Many things.
Anila Ahmataj: How is it possible that you didn’t report it, Elona, during this time that this systematic and brutal violence against you has been taking place?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I only reported him once and then we agreed at the door, he said I won’t do it again, we’ll continue, I won’t drink alcohol anymore, nothing. And then he continued it again. Even when he raped you, he would lock you inside and say, that I didn’t have a phone, he would tell my people this, that phone wouldn’t let you. Or I would call the police. And he would tell me that “your grave is here”. “Your grave is here. Here inside your room,” he would say, “so that every time you celebrate the New Year I will bring you bouquets of flowers here, or here in the middle of the yard, so that I can have you in front of my eyes,” he would say.
Anila Ahmataj: How are your relationships with your son today?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Uh, boy… when I tried all these years “I don’t love you like a mom”, how much talk he would say from the outside “I’ll come there to Greece, I’ll kill you”, talk he would say. Then when I would turn around and tell him “kill me, I love you. I’m your mom. If you don’t love me, I love you. But you still… you kill me. I don’t have a problem with you killing me”. Come on, take me with a camera this time when I spoke like that, and he would concentrate and not speak, just look at you.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. So you’re saying that he’s also under pressure, he’s psychologically stressed?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, very much!
Anila Ahmataj: And did you take your son to school?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: He took him to school, but he didn’t learn to learn. Not at all, the teacher told me.
Anila Ahmataj: Have you talked to the teacher?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: He almost forgot his name, he said. I couldn’t believe he had gotten a protection order. What did he get the protection order for? He made me a criminal.
Anila Ahmataj: Has he obtained a protection order against you?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes.
Anila Ahmataj: But for what reason?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, I know, so I don’t get close to the boy.
Anila Ahmataj: But you’ve been away for many years and you’re not in Albania, so you don’t go, you don’t try to meet him because you live outside the Albanian borders, do you live in Greece or not?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Oh sister, I have two and a half years of letters. When I was without letters, I was in hospitals for 3 years. I would only try to talk on the phone and he would tell me “don’t answer the phone because you won’t be able to see him with your own eyes”. I didn’t know where to turn. And when he answered himself, he would come out with a camera, wouldn’t he bring out the boy. “Why are you bringing yourself out with a camera? Bring out my son.” Then I came to Albania, I got the letters and I said bring out my son because I came and I will answer for any reason. He would say “I don’t need your reasons and don’t call me anymore”. He would hang up the phone.
Anila Ahmataj: A question from a woman to a woman: Well, in the moments when you were with him, you didn’t try to report him, but when you left his house, why didn’t you report all that violence and those marks you had on your face and body?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: For the sake of the son. It was only for his sake that I didn’t go.
Anila Ahmataj: What does it mean for the sake of the boy, that the boy was living with an abusive father?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: It seemed to me that I would be blamed, later she would say that “he was 9 years old, the boy was 9 years old”, and she would tell me that “you put my father in prison”. As a good mother, I thought about many things. And so for the sake of the boy I left him. Better go and look at your own direction and…
Anila Ahmataj: Were you able to be calm about building a new family?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I was treated for a year, I was visited like this, for a year and a half. Then I started a family.
Anila Ahmataj: Have you become a mother again?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No, not a mother yet. If I don’t fix this child I have, I won’t become a mother. Absolutely.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. How did your family react after this whole situation, from the beginning when you left home? How did they react, did they support you? Where are they today, where are they, are they a support for you?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Well, they supported me, they took me immediately to Greece for treatment. All of it. Then I met this son I have today!
Anila Ahmataj: Has that Bledari ever harassed or bothered your family members?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No, no.
Anila Ahmataj: And did you take the child to your grandparents, to your people?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No! No, not at all. Never. He tried to get me to come, he would call me from Greece, and I was very afraid that since my father was old, he would come there and say “if I hit you, your brothers would have more serious conflicts.” I said “better leave the situation alone, because when I come myself I will fix things, we will take care of the boy”. When I came back he was still angry. He can’t do anything. Even justice is very bad. There is no justice here in Albania.
Anila Ahmataj: Why does your father say that? You didn’t go to denounce him, that is, after you left, because if you had denounced him, the institutions would definitely have taken action.
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: I didn’t report him because I saw that a report I made to him before didn’t do anything. He told me himself: “The police were with him, because they were from their area, they’ll sort things out, he apologized, he apologized, let’s go because I had nothing to do.”
Anila Ahmataj: Did Bledari himself drink coffee with the police officers you denounced?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, well, and I had nothing to do…
Anila Ahmataj: Were you present when they had coffee together?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, 6 years ago, 7 years ago.
Anila Ahmataj: I understand. And something else: have you managed to communicate with the girl he held hostage for 40 days and raped?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No. No.
Anila Ahmataj: Did you know him before as a face, as an image?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: No, no, absolutely, I didn’t know him at all.
Anila Ahmataj: Not even her family members?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Absolutely not! I just saw it on the news that it came out like this in the video we watch on the phone. I’m really sorry because I’m a woman myself, and I don’t know her. I can’t even find a phone to talk to her.
Anila Ahmataj: Would you like to talk, communicate with him?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Why not, definitely.
Anila Ahmataj: You could ask him what the situation was like, because the boy was also present, right?
Bledar Bakaj’s Ex-Wife: Yes, that’s right. That’s exactly what I said./Panorama.al